Duder presents the Position of the Week.
With continued reading, study, and rigorous practice, you will be able to master these moves and become a vicious force of nature in the bedroom.
Screw being a sexpert, you’ll be the Ben Franklin of boning.
This week’s move
The Boner Roll
More after the jump.
Step One: Get into the classic wheelbarrow position, if your partner lacks the upper body strength to achieve this, put her down and walk away because not only will you not succeed The Boner Roll, your girlfriend is disappointingly feeble.
Step Two: Start running/boning. The rhythm of the action will take a while to get into, but don’t worry. You have plenty of time to practice as you get up to speed. Speed is key.
Step Three: Once you’ve hit your full stride, and you are running as fast as you can, (see why she needs those strong arms?) Get her to plant her hands palm down as you leap. If she keeps her arms straight, you’ll swing upwards and over her. Feel free to stretch out your arms as you feel the wind blowing through your hair, and revel in the freedom this position provides. But keep it short; the next part may shatter your fucking sternum.
Step Four: After passing the point of no return, you’ll begin an alarmingly quick decent. It is mandatory that she keep her arms straight, even after they leave the ground. As you near the floor, tuck in your head, and hit the ground with your shoulder in a classic shoulder roll motion. Gravity and the momentum will do the rest!
Step Five: If the roll is done properly, you will probably end up on your knees, with your lady in front of you. If you’re a master of the move, you should have returned to your feet (the move can be repeated indefinitely) If you have failed, you probably should phone an ambulance.
The Boner Roll does not reward failure.
Stay tuned for the next Position of the Week from Duder!
nice, excellent, wonderful !!!!!!!!
For all you beginners out there, this is best performed downhill.